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It just gets overwhelming

Sometimes, I can manage anything life throws at me. I mean, I can juggle anything at all, no matter how good or bad and I will feel STRONG for doing it.

Not today. I don't know why I woke up today feeling like I do. It's Michael and Matthew's fourth birthday. I've been telling Matthew for a while now that four year olds don't wear pull-ups, they wear underwear. This morning we took the plunge and there's no looking back. He's had one accident today, but it's early yet :) This morning, I had set up some of their birthday toys, almost like we do for Christmas, so that when they came out of their room I got to hear them squeal and run around checking things out. There are only four things out there, but they are pretty big things, so they are super excited. I made them special waffles for breakfast, with sprinkles on them, and got them off for school with a basket of homemade cookies for their party.

It's been downhill from there. Things are overwhelming at work as we come towards a deadline on not one, not two, not three, but FOUR projects I'm managing. They aren't my only four projects, but all four of them have the same due date of May 2 for launch. Maybe it's because we're only a few weeks away, but it's like a huge weight just hanging around over my head. I know everything will work out, because it always does.

I really should be studying for my CLEP test, but I only read a few pages last night.

I got a new order for some jewelry, and I did make it last night, but I couldn't do anything else. I just didn't feel creative. So I've let my jewelry business just sit there right now. I need to package up this order and get it out in the mail tomorrow.

The house is a MESS!!!! I clean up almost constantly and it's never enough. I have to do laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, pick up some of the bigger stuff in preperation for their party on Saturday - things like getting my jewelry supplies off the dining room table. I did order their cake this morning, so that's good. With their dinosaur theme, I got a volcano cake where half says Happy Birthday to Michael, half to Matthew. Pretty cool.

Mom got sick, so she's not around to help. I shouldn't feel like I have some RIGHT to my mother helping me with my kids. I don't, and I'm very lucky to have her around to help. I just have a lot of work to do and with Scott gone and her not around to help, I'm trying to juggle it, the kids and other stuff without cracking.

I almost did crack on the way home. I cried, but the kids didn't notice. I got the lecture about talking to Matthew about listening and staying with the group. Hey! I can talk until I'm blue in the face and he does whatever he wants to. Thankfully, he's well behaved and doing what he wants to usually amounts to playing quietly by himself or going to look at flowers. What exactly do you want me to do? I tell them to behave and expect it from them whether I'm there or not. I can't do more than that without coming to school with them.

Anyway, needed to vent all of that out so I can go downstairs and try to have a conference call while keeping the kids quiet. Thank goodness for TV. I'm going to try to make their birthday the best I can make it seeing as how we're absolutely alone, their dad and Gamma aren't here, they won't see any other kids, and I feel pretty depressed. Yay. Ought to be a blast.


( 4 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )
Apr. 13th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
oh Trish, I feel you. Sometimes life is overwhelming. You have more responsibility than I do (two little lives depending on their Mommy) But I know the overwhelming and depressing feelings. And today is supposed to be a joyous occasion!!

It DOES all work out. Work gets done, kids get fed and adored, husbands get loved and 2nd careers (i.e. what we wish we were doing full time) do get attention.

I've been feeling overwhelmed too - I'm better today - but the things I'm concerned about are still there. WE just need to let ourselves be a little down sometimes.

After you've given yourself some time to feel depressed, pull out those happy memories and know that you'll get there again.
Apr. 13th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
yeah, it never lasts more than a day or so when you get to feeling like this, but jeesh. You just don't want to do ANYTHING. After the boys go to bed tonight I'll just have to do something indulgent. Maybe take a nice bubble bath and have a glass of wine.
Apr. 14th, 2005 04:20 am (UTC)

Uhm, now seriously, what does the teacher expects from a 4-year-old? Some of them are still in the stage when they just need to be by themselves. Heck, i still am!

Another ****HUG****
Apr. 16th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC)
*offers a shoulder and chocolates*

I hope their party goes well and your upcoming work deadlines don't get too rough.
( 4 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )