trshtwns01 (trshtwns01) wrote,

So much for happy

All week, through the problems and the lack of sleep, I have been looking forward to tonight's party. I purchased quite a bit of food, sniacks, alcohol, plates, glasses and other drinks. We were supposed to get ready around 5:45 to set up the jewelry displays and food. I spent all of last night (outside of the nosebleed incident which took an hour) cleaning the house, and continued that through today. Today was my first day back at work so I had a lot of catching up to do.

NO PROBLEM - I'm having a party tonight, so nothing could bring me down!

Umm, except maybe everyone backing out of the party so I had to call the rep and cancel the party. So all of the stress and sleeplessness from the last week came down on my head and my depression bloomed. I finally just left the house (leaving the kids with my mom) before I lost it. After a couple of hours, I had calmed down and came home. Scott was home sitting around with the kids. We ended up ordering in food and now I'm just catching up on CSI.

Next week can't help but be better *laugh* We're having an 'extended' family Thanksgiving with Gene-bob, Jill-bob, Hay-Jax, Scott, the kids, my mom and me. We're trying to find a homeless family to include for the holiday, or something else we can do as a group.

I wish I didn't get so hung up on doing things with friends. I get psyched up for a great time and when someone backs out, it truly hurts my feelings. There ARE reasons for backing out - a good friend of mine had her daughter go in the hospital today, absolutely NOTHING held against that! It's the fact that people you consider friends sometimes don't care enough to give you the courtesy of an RSVP. Or they RSVP and then back out when something else comes along. I should learn to toughen up and make it where my happiness hinges only on myself...

but I just can't close myself off from that. The same thing that makes me hurt when things like this happen is the thing that makes me enjoy times with my friends so much and care about them so deeply. I don't know if you can turn off the hurt and keep the bond.
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