trshtwns01 (trshtwns01) wrote,

To touch the unreal

I can't wrap my mind around what will happen Wednesday morning. I've been sitting here trying to figure it out, but it just doesn't seem real.

Tonight, I packed for the hospital. I'm a bit more experienced in this after seeing what I made use of last time.

Tomorrow I work for my last day before going back on medical leave.

Tuesday, I spend most of the day doing pre-op testing at Zale Lipshy and St. Paul hospitals. That night, we drop Michael and Matthew off at Brett and Angela's house to stay for a day or two. They will miss school on Wednesday, possibly also on Thursday.

We have to be at Zale Lipshy at 5:30 in the freaking morning, for a 7:30 surgery. A surgery that will last 10-15 hours, and when I wake up, my chest and belly will be gone. My breasts will be goodness only knows where - sitting in a trash can? Some sort of biohazard box along with the parts of my abdomen they didn't need for the reconstruction? My belly button will be in a new location.

It was so much easier to mentally prepare for a hysterectomy. Hey - they are going to slit me open, like they have several times before, and remove something from inside that I've never been able to see anyway. This is my first surgery that makes serious physical change to my body. Right now, if I look at my body, it looks just the same as it did before the hysterectomy. After Wednesday, it never will again.

Yes, it may look better when we are done with all of this, but it will be different. How do you actually GRASP that concept?

Oh well, as always, those of you who know me are welcome to call my cell at 214-632-8607 as I will have it at the hospital. Those of you who would like to do so, please say a prayer (can't believe I just ASKED for that). I think it's time for bed :)
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