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I'm sad, bitchy and somewhat mad at the world today. I just wish everything would stop for a while and just leave me alone.

But NOPE - gotta go take my mom to the doctor and listen to more about how it is all about her. How horrible HER life is.

It's getting bad when you are actually considering doing a hysterectomy sooner, rather than later, just so you have a couple of days laying in a hospital bed and not having to worry about anything.

FUCK! I hate life right now. I know deep down it is good, but feeling like this isn't rational. I'm just tired of the pleasant Polly attitude I try to put out.

Ok, off to the my mom and see if I can survive a couple of hours with her in this mood. Either that, or one of us won't make it back. I take Tae Kwon Do. I can take a 71 year old woman with health issues.



( 3 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )
Aug. 29th, 2006 03:23 pm (UTC)
Big hugs for you Trish. You have a hideous decision to make. I wish I could make any of this better for you. I am thinking of you and hoping and praying for you.
Aug. 30th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
Allow Yourself to be Angry
You're going through an awful lot, what with having to make major decisions about your own medical situation, take care of two kids and a husband, and deal with a self-centered mother on top of it. It is completely rational for you to be hating life on the surface while knowing deep down it is good. If you were just saying you hate life, without the caveat, I'd still understand your position.

I'll suggest that scheduling major, life-changing surgery isn't the only way to get the chance to LIE on the couch for a while (see how I can correct grammar in any situation - hopefully you'll find that funny, not one more reason to pitch your support group out the window, or me out of your support group). Pitching a tantrum and refusing to get off the couch, advising your family that you need 3 undisturbed days to contemplate whether to have the surgery (this will get you time in the bathtub, perhaps better than couch time), running away from home and hiding out in a hotel room, etc. are my off-the-cuff alternatives.

At the very least, I think you should pour some wine in a glass with a leopard print stem and sit outside at sunset by yourself or with your husband (can you ditch the kids somewhere - normally I'm not a fan of tv as a babysitter, but can they be trusted to watch a video for half an hour?) and enjoy your life as it is now.

Then, on another day, same scenario, contemplate how your life is going to change, with and without your permission, what the consequences of what you're facing are, and what you need to do and what you're willing to do. It's huge. No doubt about it. Anything else I can say would be bs platitudes. But you take tae kwan do, and you still speak to your mother. Therefore, you can face down cancer. That's the only part I'm sure of. :)

And consider yourself hugged. Thought I better get that in before you post some crazy truce. :)
Aug. 31st, 2006 04:35 am (UTC)
( 3 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )