Last night, I asked Michael why he was changing underwear to get into his pajamas. I thought he might have had an accident. He said 'No! I just wanted to put on new underwear. Boys can do that sometimes. We can decide we want to change.'. He followed that with something about how the rules at school are sometimes different than the rules at home, 'just like the governor of Texas has different rules than the governor of another state'. Heh.
Last night, Matthew had a fever and headache. This morning, he wouldn't eat, said his tummy hurt and is laying down on the couch now. I said he still needed to take his medicine, so Michael popped up and took his drink and medicines over to the coffee table in front of Matthew. Then, he started bringing stuffed animals to make him feel better. Then, he gave him a kiss before going to get dressed for school.
Times like this are what make the twin bond something special to see. Not when they are kicking each other of the bed :)
Ok, my visit with my oncologist today did NOT help things. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I got.
I felt bad because Matthew was a bit sick, so he stayed out of school and had to go with me. Thank God he didn't really understand what we were talking about and we were able to use words he couldn't understand yet like 'improved mortality'.
Anyway, we changed me from Tamoxifen to Raloxifene, and I started it today. This is my chemopreventative regardless of what I decide to persue. I was expecting, upon hearing my concerns, that he would try to placate me. I figured I would get that we don't KNOW I'm going to get cancer, or when it would happen. There isn't a need for drastic measures, but that they are an option.
Instead, I get that because my mom has the same mutation in BRCA2 we have to assume that there is a link and that I will probably get it - we just don't know when. I might not get it for years, or I might already have microscopic cancer cells forming that could only be seen under a microscope, and because they are microfocal, even if you removed cells you might not find the cancers until they spread. Taking Tamoxifen or Raloxifene might slightly decrease my chance of getting it, but not by much and it doesn't change the mortality if I do. The only option I have that will significantly change my chances of breast cancer and reduce the mortality from it would be to get the mastectomy and oopherectomy.
Thanks. I was in tears by the time I left.
I certainly hope the breast cancer researcher at UT Southwestern is a bit more hopeful tomorrow, because I could sure use it.
On a related note, should I start putting the cancer talk behind a friends filter that only those interested see, or behind a cut so that you only see it if you want to? If a filter, who would want to be on it?
I posted this morning about how thoughtful Michael was this morning. I now firmly believe that my children have been replaced by space aliens.
- While I was on the phone this afternoon, Michael walked up and just stood there with his hand up. When I got to a stopping point, I went on mute and he asked me a question. I thanked him immediately for not interrupting and holding his hand up to ask a question.
- A few minutes later, Matthew did the same thing. Are they learning this at school?
- I noticed some Cheerios on the floor and asked who spilled cereal. Matthew immediately said it was him. I said it needed to be cleaned up and he gave me a snappy "Yes Ma'am!". They have both been saying "Yes Ma'am" all day. It gets more consistent each day. Thank God for Tae Kwon Do.
Really - are these my kids? I need to come back and read this on those days where they are driving me up the walls and I'm ready to curl up into a ball in frustration. *laugh*
My husband should be home soon. YAY!