November 17th, 2004


The World's Most Perfect Mom

It had to happen at some point, but you always think you'll somehow be different.

I COMPLETELY lost it tonight (verbally) with Michael.

To understand, you have to know what the background is. On Monday, I picked up Michael and Matthew from school. Matthew said his tummy hurt, and when we got home, he took himself directly to bed and went to sleep. Three year olds don't just pick themselves up and go to bed unless something is wrong. A couple of hours later, his temp was through the roof. It started staying between 102 and 104. Then he started throwing up. I couldn't keep any fluids in him, couldn't get any medicine in him - even the kind to make him stop throwing up. I took him in to an urgent care place around 11 pm. 'Push fluids at him and give him Tylenol and Motrin'. Umm, thanks. I was doing that anyway. Here's your money. The next day, I took him to his peds doc. They were very concerned as he was still vomiting, no fluids in, very high temp, and hadn't urinated since midnight. We talked on the phone off and on all day, and finally about 6:30 they told me to take him into the emergency room. The ER doc said he was a 'very sick kid', put in an IV and started pushing fluids. He added meds to stop him from throwing up, and took several vials of blood. It came back he had a white blood cell count of _30,000!!!!_ (Normal is about 4000-10000, and a 'normal' high is 12000-14000). They have cultures growing we should know about tomorrow or the next day, but we know he has a 'raging' infection. They did IV fluids, and kept pushing Tylenol and Motrin. We were admitted overnight. His fever finally broke around 3 this morning, and he finally passed urine around 1 am. We came home about 8:30 am with directions that if he vomits again, his temp goes up past 102 or he stops taking in fluids that we are to come back and he'll be admitted for two days.

He seems to be doing great right now - more near his normal, but still goes and rests regularly. BUT, I haven't slept since Sunday night, and I still have to get up every 3 hours to give him meds.

ANYWAY - that's the background. Since I had to take Matthew's temp so often I splurged for a $50 forehead 'roller' type thermometer. It worked really well, was very accurate and quick. Tonight, Michael brought it to me, at my request, and it fell out of his hand. The thing is just loose parts inside now. I screamed that it was very expensive and now was totally useless because he wasn't being careful. I left the room crying - HUGE sobs - and kept screaming to myself. I put him in time out. I then sent him to his room. From the other room, I continued to cry. I hear Matthew telling Michael that he made me sad and he shouldn't have done it.

I did go in to apologize to Michael and tell him that sometimes when people are mad they say things or do things that they know aren't right, and that I should not have yelled at him for something that was an accident. We hugged, and he seems to have gotten past it, but I'm having a hard time. I know that I haven't slept in two days, and have been dealing with a VERY sick child, and doing it all by myself because Scott's been out of town for two weeks. But I really hate that I could lose my temper like that. It just isn't like me.

I don't want my kids to ever be scared of me. EVER.

(I've got the packaging and receipt and I'm going to try to talk to the store tomorrow and see if there is ANYTHING we can do)

EDIT: OH! I forgot the best part. While I was at the doctor with Matthew yesterday, I get a call from Chase Bank saying someone was trying to open a credit card in my name and that they had my social security number, date of birth BUT they were using an address from over six years ago. That's why they flagged it and called me. They gave me the name of the person who was putting themself as an 'additional user' on the card (never heard of the person, and probably isn't his real name, but he probably couldn't pass as a 'Patricia'). They also gave me the numbers and how to get security alerts put on my credit reports from all three major companies, get free copies of all three reports, and get taken off of the list for pre-approved credit applications. I'm going to be a mess until I see those reports because I wonder at the back of my mind how many companies didn't BOTHER to call me or check far enough to see the app was using an older address even though all of the other information was correct.