trshtwns01 (trshtwns01) wrote,

God, I thought I was holding together so well, but I'm obviously not. Michael is, I guess, jealous because Matthew is getting the 'attention' by being sick. Outside of the fact that Matthew has been asleep most of the time since we got home and I have done nothing but spend dedicated time with Michael, he is really acting out. He's lashing out at me by throwing things and vying for my attention.

Scott called and was questioning why Matthew had to have the surgery redone in two weeks - like I totally understood the explanation. All I knew was he had problems on the left side, bled, and they weren't able to get it completed the way they wanted. They are afraid because of the bleeding that if they use the high-pressure spray it could start the bleeding again and cause problems. He wants me to have the doctor call him tomorrow to explain or else he will go up to her office to get an explanation as soon as he gets back in town. Hey - I don't want him to have more surgeries than he needs either, but I was alone and scared when she was explaining things, so I'm sorry if I couldn't give a full medical explanation for why he has to go back under. There's nothing I can do about it at 6:30, so it will have to wait until tomorrow.

While I was on the phone with Scott, some guy from my company calls me on my cell phone. I couldn't understand him (HEAVY foreign accent) so I just said 'Wrong number' and hung up rather than wasting time trying to explain to him. After I got off the phone with Scott I got my voice mail and figured out it was a guy from work who wanted access to a new tool I'm rolling out in a few weeks. I apologized for snapping at him initially, told him the tool wasn't yet rolled out, and told him to email in a request. He said he had, but he needed the space soon. I told him later in the week, when I returned to work, I would set it up, but explained to him that my son had surgery and there were problems that left him in a lot of pain and that had priority. Although he said he understood, he kept pressuring me about it. I wanted to scream "WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME AT 6:30 PM ON MY PERSONAL CELL PHONE BUGGING ME ABOUT WORK ISSUES?????"

Anyway, I got off the phone with him while still being civil, apologized to Michael for snapping at him for hitting me with a ball (I had put him in time out while I was on the phone), took a look at Matthew all swelled up on the couch with an approaching black eye, curled up on the floor and started crying. And crying.

My back really hurts and idiot that I am, I sent my mother home at 4:30 (to come back at 8:00 tomorrow). My main reason is that the kids go to sleep at 7:30, and if she stayed, I would spend the evening with her guilt trip. About what? Oh, about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. It's just her way. Without her here, at 7:30, I can just curl up and read, play video games, watch TV or something to not care.

That is, until Matthew wakes up the next time in pain. I'm still trying to decide whether to keep him in my bed or his bed tonight.
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