I'm not sure how I can go from stressed worrier to holier-than-thou control freak, but I did. I was feeling bad and edgy, talking to the therapist when we started talking about my annual review at work. The review was AWESOME, but I had feedback from a couple of people (anonymously) that I can be perceived as controlling and intimidating. It confused me, because I don't see myself that way. I see myself as weak because of the way my mind works. My first 'aha' moment was that I try to overcompensate for the way I see myself, to make myself 'strong' in the business world, and might end up coming off as intimidating. I need to keep that in the back of my mind, although I'm not sure how to change the perception.
This led us into a discussion about control over your life. THAT is where I actually began to see myself as condescending and intimidating. I can't BELIEVE I said some of the things I said, but it really is the way I got to where I am so must be exactly how I feel. I railed against the 'woe is me victims' in life. Those who can't get a better job because they couldn't afford to go to college. Those who can't improve themselves because someone isn't there to teach them how. They don't have the time. They rely on someone else for money or validation. I just don't take that as an excuse. The library is free. Books can teach you many things. Can't read? There are others who can help you...for free. Many professions are things you can practice yourself until you feel comfortable. Be willing to take next to no pay to get experience. Expand your OWN horizons - others won't do it for you. I felt like I thought I was better than others, which isn't what I meant at all. I was trying to say we are in control of our own lives - nobody else is. Abusive relationship? Leave! You are probably just as likely to be injured or die by staying in that relationship as you are by leaving. The fear is what keeps you there, not necessarily the reality. No time to read about a new skill? Spend time when you are in the bathroom, 30 minutes before bed, read while you are doing some other tasks. Don't have the money to live the way you want to? Don't give up until you look at all solutions - don't be too proud to take things in the short-term that will help in the long-term. The fear of failure is a powerful motivator in your life, and excuses that shift the blame to others might sound good, but aren't very real.
God, I really do sound that way sometimes. It's to hide the way I feel inside and to show I'm NOT as weak as I think I am. :)
Outside of that, we talked about my jaw locking up this week, the hundreds of dollars I had to spend towards getting a bite guard, not sleeping for a couple of nights, and a few other things.
Anyway, our 'therapy model' for the day is 'Stinkin Thinkin' :) Ways you think that can be destructive. I saw myself in a few of them. What are you guilty of?
- Polarized thinking - everything is black and white. I do this or I'm a failure.
- Overgeneralization - Jumping to a conclusion after a small piece of info (haven't
heard from someone in a few days? They must not be interested)
- Mindreading - We assume we know what others are thinking when they say or do something
- Catastrophizing - Magnifying the severity of events
- Personalization - Everything people do is a reaction to you.
- Locus of control - You have no control over things, or are totally responsible for others
- Blaming - Things that happen to you is someone else's fault
- Ironclad rules - Relying strictly on shoulds and musts in life
- Emotional reasoning - You base your opinion on emotion and think everyone knows it
- Fallacy of change - When you expect people to change to please you, or that you
are responsible for getting them to change