trshtwns01 (trshtwns01) wrote,
trshtwns01
trshtwns01

Catch some Zzzzs

I haven't been sleeping much at all this week, and I can really feel the effects on my body and mind.

When I first started dealing with my anxiety disorder MANY years back (about 6 actually), I would go days without sleeping, and when I did sleep, I would wake up with night sweats - the sheets were SOAKED. I was also hallucinating at night. I would see things moving in the dark and hear things. We got it quickly under control with medications and started working on learning cognitive therapies to deal with my stress and anxiety.

Over the years, I've had my anxiety levels ramp up a bit, and we up my meds for a short while and all is well. This time, it seems like it will take a bit more.

Now, I don't know what is in my head and what actually happens. I mean, there is some weird stuff in life, so you never know. Last night, about 2 am, I was laying in bed and I KNOW I was awake. I started hearing this hooting outside the house. All I could think of was an owl, but I've never seen an owl around here! The Great Plano Shopping Owl? Anyway, for a good 20 minutes straight, I heard this hooting. It would last about 5 seconds, then stay silent anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Sometimes it was close to the house, like between our house and the next. Other times, it would sound for a while like it was a couple of houses away.

I told Scott about it and his first response was that I dreamed it. I told him I knew I was awake, and he just gave me this look like..."Yeah. Ok". I mean, he lived through my hallucinations and he knows I haven't been sleeping for a while.

Was there really an owl or some other bird outside at 2 am, or was it actually in my head?

Bigger question is - will I make it until November 2 for my psychiatrist appointment?

On a related note, my dentist fitted me today for a bite guard. I'll have to wear it most of the time to keep myself from biting my cheeks. He thinks that is why my jaw locked this week. However, it will be 10 days before it is ready. It sounds like it will be much cooler than the over the counter one I have now. The one I have is HUGE, fits in my upper mouth, and puffs out my lips so I look like a wrestler or football player with a mouth guard. The one from the dentist (thousands of dollars - thank GOD for insurance. Only $350 from me) is custom fit to the bottom of my mouth, locks in place, can be customized to be more comfortable, and will let me sleep and talk comfortably (with only a slight lisp, I'm sure!).

Come on! Join me as my mind shatters. This journey should be fun!
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