I love my mother. She raised my by herself and is an amazing woman. She has medical issues and financial problems that give her difficulties - memory problems due to a small stroke, arthritis, some nerve damage to her legs that gives her a staggering gait, ill-fitting dentures, etc. To keep this in perspective on the wonderful things about her, I did write a history of her life and how wonderful she is for her 70th birthday back in April.
Despite all of this, she annoys the ever living shit out of me, and it makes me incredibly mad at myself that she annoys me. She should NOT annoy me just by being who she is. I don't want to be annoyed by these things as much as I am, and it makes me feel PETTY, disrespectful and unloving.
- She is very country, despite no longer being in the country and KNOWING how to properly pronounce words. I try to 'correct' her way too much because I don't want my kids to talk that way!!! I'm sorry, but there are no such words as 'wrasslin', 'Saterdee', 'sireeen', 'wirehouse', 'warsh' and some of the other prime words that make me crazy. I've told her (probably should have kept this to myself) that she is a smart woman, but the way she talks makes her SOUND dumb. People judge you by the way you talk and make assumptions that you are some country bumpkin when you talk like that. I REALLY don't want my kids to pick it up.
- She has dentures that don't fit her, because she never went to get a new set once her gums shrunk back after her teeth were all pulled. Because of her dentures (I'm assuming this is the reason), she keeps her tongue between her teeth when she talks, making her slur her words and lisp. I've ridden her for some time to get new dentures, but she just makes excuses. This has been going on for YEARS. We've offered to pay for them, offered to make the appointment for her - excuses and delay tactics. I've told her that she will have to relearn how to talk when she gets new dentures, because she has now spoken like this for so many years.
- She has anxiety and depression, among other things, but won't do a DAMN thing about it. She complains and complains, but she won't mention it to a doctor. The times she does, she tells me they blow her off. I KNOW why they did - she downplays everything. If you just mention in passing to a doctor that you sometimes feel anxious, but then say it isn't a problem, how will that doctor know that it actually keeps you from leaving the house and driving sometimes? They only know what you TELL them! They aren't mind readers! Going to a different doctor because that one couldn't read your mind isn't going to change things. I actually go with her to her important doctor visits to act as translator, but I can't go with her to ALL appointment! I've told her to write things down, so she can take a list, and we've actually done it before, but then she didn't give the doctor the list. Either do something ABOUT it, or stop COMPLAINING!
- She is the queen of passive-aggressiveness and guilt. One time I asked her not to say something to the kids (shut up) and she immediately said that she doesn't know how to do things our way, so she shouldn't be watching them and should just go home. That's overreacting for you. If she wants to do something, she will NEVER say she wants to do it. She will not make any decisions, no matter how small. What do you want to eat? Oh, whatever YOU want to eat. The kids were out of school today, and she told me on Friday she had a doctor's appointment on Monday. I said that's fine, to which she immediately said she will cancel it so she can watch the kids while they are out of school. I didn't ASK her to watch the kids, and I didn't give any impression that I was bothered by her having an appointment, yet I ended up YELLING at her that her health comes before coming over to my house, and that my kids are my responsibility, not hers.
- She has the nerve to judge what I feed my kids. I was raised on fast food. She always told me that it was cheaper to eat fast food than for her to cook for just the two of us. Cooking at home meant heating up frozen dinners. Those frozen dinners were fried foods, mostly. We ate foods such as vienna sausages or potted meat on Saltines for snacks. I try to give my kids MOSTLY good foods. They don't get many sweets. We make healthy choices, such as low fat milk, veggie hot dogs, yogurt, things like that. Then they also can have cheese pizza, chicken nuggets or things of that nature a couple of times a week. She blamed me for Matthew's reflux saying that I was feeding him nothing but tacos and other spicy foods even though it made him sick. WTF? Not only is that wrong, but who are YOU to judge what is being fed to kids?
God, she makes me crazy. I wish I could recognize that she is getting old, her health isn't great, we are blessed to have her here to see every day, and that I want my kids to see a healthy relationship in the family. Nope. I find myself screaming at her, critiquing her every move and trying desperately to NOT be anything like her. Why can't I just accept my mom for who she is?