?

Log in

Previous | Next

State of the mind address

I'm at an in between state, where in some ways I feel human again and in others I still feel overwhelmed.

I have on one of my post-mastectomy camisoles, with a breast form on the right. It isn't as shocking to me as my regular post-surgery bra, because when I glance down, I am not taken aback by the 'absence' on my right side. The only weird thing is that when I am reclining, it kind of floats around and I end up with a fake breast under my arm or up around my neck *laugh*.

I have decided that when I get rid of these drains I will feel better about my appearance. They ring me like a spare tire, and there are five left. One is at a level where they could remove it, and I'm hoping at least one more gets that way in the next day or so.

I can objectively look at my body, and see that it will be nice once everything is healed. The doctor has also told me he wants to do the other reconstruction in March. 3 days in the hospital if all goes well and 2-3 weeks off work. It would be so nice to have all of that over with.

Sleep takes up a good portion of my day. My TIVO has forsaken me, though, so even when I am awake there isn't much to do. I'm reading some, and I think that soon I'll have the arm strength back to crochet some more.

About the TIVO - it's pissing me off. It doesn't have anything in the future guide to record. For example, if I try to tell it to show me ALL shows with a given letter, it might show two. This is when you KNOW there are generally dozens. I can scroll through ALL of the shows it says I can choose from to record in about 10 screens. That's A-Z. WRONG! If you look at the to do list, it says it is recording two shows on 1/5 and that is ALL it has scheduled to record. Since it doesn't find anything in the listings, I can't even tell it to record something.

The other sad thing is that the PS3 Scott got is upstairs. I can't go upstairs yet!!! *laugh* I haven't gotten to play it, but I'm looking forward to it later.

Ok, sleepy time, but after my last pity-party post, I wanted to get down some thoughts while I was actually feeling somewhat normal. Minimal pain, optimistic outlook on my body, random boredom.

OH! I also got a shipment of t-shirts today:
- Lost my boobs, not my sense of humor (with pink ribbon)
- I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes now
- For Matthew: I have ADHD. Don't let me get hyperfocused on you (or something to that effect)
- An 'Obey the Cairn' sticker for Scott
- A 'Real Women can break more than a nail' Tae Kwon Do sticker for me

On the way:
- A t-shirt genebob found for me that says (front) "Who needs big tits" (back) "With an ass like this"

Not shipped yet:
- Lost my boobs, not my sense of humor button and bigger 'relaxed' t-shirt (as opposed to fitted)
- BRCA2 t-shirt

Comments

( 8 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )
(Deleted comment)
trshtwns01
Dec. 29th, 2006 06:48 am (UTC)
I can feel that with really cold drinks, like ice water. The weird one for me, which I guess shows I didn't research as much as I thought I did, is that they remove part of a rib for the DIEP reconstruction. Had they both survived, I never would have known. Since they had to remove one, I now have this very odd feeling hole in my chest.
maedb
Dec. 29th, 2006 06:25 am (UTC)
The only weird thing is that when I am reclining, it kind of floats around and I end up with a fake breast under my arm or up around my neck

Just remember that I'm only trying to help. You could put some velcro on the side of it and not shave your armpit. That ought to hold in place.
trshtwns01
Dec. 29th, 2006 06:52 am (UTC)
There is velcro on the side that is facing out, and the form is in a big pocket. I just think that there is so much play there in the camisole itself that the whole shebang shifts. I would need to velcro the cami to my body to keep it from shifting *laugh*

It works much better in a different cami I have. In that one, the form fits quite snugly into a pocket, and the cami is tight enough to keep things in place.

Tomorrow, I'll play with using some of these foam breast pads in the bra they sent me home in. I'm beginning to wonder if when these tubes come out I couldn't wear a t-shirt or something if it is loose enough, but would want to look someone 'balanced'. Although, I supposed if I wore the lost a breast, but not a sense of humor shirt, I wouldn't necessarily. :)

maedb
Dec. 29th, 2006 07:01 am (UTC)
I still say using armpit hair as part of the velcro ought to work -grin-

And I hate to break it to you, but it's going to take more than boobs to make people believe you're balanced. You're nutters and that's why we love you so!

(Why not wear a couple of fakes? That way you can keep people guessing about which one of the three is real. Okay, maybe one poking out the back might be a little odd, huh?)

Hugs!
trshtwns01
Dec. 29th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC)
*laugh* I love you.

My hair hasn't grown out too much, thankfully. I can't wear deoderant for some time now, so I really don't want a lot of hair there.

I've thought about the third tit - or worse. I think that by the end of the week I'll have a total of 6 forms. Maybe the larger ones can be used to enhance my butt!?!?!?!
maedb
Dec. 29th, 2006 07:30 am (UTC)
Only if you wear that one t-shirt that hasn't arrived yet! And I want pictures. I promise I won't blackmail you. Much.
maedb
Dec. 29th, 2006 07:32 am (UTC)
Argh! I'm going to bed now and I just know I'm going to dream about butt cheeks with nipples.

(Maybe we could put a squeaky toy in one of them? Just for the doctor visit? Or the physical therapy massage?)
( 8 thoughts — Whatcha' think? )